Next. I read a book once called, What the Day You Were Born Says About You, or something to that effect, and in it I made some startling discoveries. I know that horoscopes can't truly be trusted and how in the heck could a nationally published book identify me dead on by my birth date? But somehow, it really nailed me. Mostly normal things that I already know like my need for attention and my jabber mouth. The fact that I like to perform or be in front of an audience and that I am a generally happy person. But then there was this one segment where it talked about me having several admirers. The reason it said several was because of the turn over rate. Apparently I am fun for a little while and then I am annoying or my charisma becomes see through and I'm boring. Whatever it means exactly, it scares me. Like, it scares the crap out of me. Isn't that ridiculous?! I worry about this almost weekly. Every time I teach a class and my attendance is lower than normal I start to panic and think, "what did I do to turn them away? What about myself can I change to bring them back?" It sounds so silly, so self absorbed, so narcissistic and I am aware. But I can't deny the fact that I worry about the people that I love (yes I am implying that I love the people I teach classes to at the gym. It's true. I do love them in a certain way. I digress.) just up and deciding one day that I am not worth it. Bleh. Have I talked about this before? If I have it just goes to show how much it tugs on my heart and brain. Sorry.
Moving on. My husband. He is hot. Did you know that? Yeah he isn't the tallest guy in the world but do you know what? His handsomeness is undeniable! He is built and tan and has a full head of lively hair. By lively I mean not boring or blah or lame. He has a huge grin and straight white teeth without ever having braces, the Cuss. He is intelligent and charismatic and never swears. Seriously. I've never heard him swear. He even calls the Hoover Dam the Hoover Dang. He is the best father and a worthy priesthood holder. He is wise and thankfully not quite sick of me yet. He treats me with respect and equality and has even admitted that he was surprised after marrying me at how smart I actually am. Haha! I just love to remind him of that. Anyway, I am lucky. He isn't perfect but he's pretty freakin' close. I love him. He loves me. It's a match made in heaven.
On a slightly more somber note, my daughter is sick. She is fevered and lethargic and not herself. She is sleeping all day and won't let go of her blankie. She is hardly eating and has no other symptoms besides the fever. There is no cough, no runny nose, no ear infection or sore throat. There is no diarrhea, no rash and no vomiting. She just has this really high fever that is knocking her out. I am so worried. I hold her and rock her and sing to her and cry. She has been falling asleep on my chest, which is normally unheard of. I would do anything right now to take it all away. I would cut off a finger or something just to see her dance and run and giggle again. It has only been three days. The doctor was kind but inconclusive. We just have to wait and monitor and hope she recovers. Michael has been on call for the last two days and hasn't been able to give her a blessing. I just want her healthy. I wish we knew what was wrong. I am sad. I am stressed. I am prayerful.
Josie is here. She has been visiting for 3 weeks and leaves this Thursday. We have had some hard days as sisters often do. Seriously hard days. Like the one where she slugged me in the right shoulder out of rage. Looking back I don't blame her but you get the picture. On the other hand, I can't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have had her here. Since Josie was on her mission while Violet was born, this visit was their first meeting. It was precious. Josie arrived late at night and Violet was already asleep. As Josie and I were preparing for bed we heard her crying. I went in to comfort Violet and Josie trailed behind me. Almost instantly Violet reached out and leaned for Josie. Josie was surprised and happy. She took her out of my arms and Violet immediately laid right on her shoulder. Their relationship has only strengthened since. I don't know how many of you have siblings that are like your best friends. Luckily, I do. And luckily, my kids have an Aunt who is like their best friend too. Except when they have a poopy diaper but hey, that's normal. :) I feel lucky.
All of these things are simple, mundane and a little boring. But they are my life. They are the feelings I have today. The things churning in my brain. It feels good to let it out here. It feels good to know that I have camaraderie with many of you when I open up and pour it out like this. Thanks for being friends. Lots of them. From all different areas of life. It's nice to be partially committed to you through blogging. :)