Best Picture Nominees:
Avatar DD (Digitally enhanced by the nursing mother.)
The Hind Side (A story of poop, diaper rash and destiny. Wait, I meant Desitin.)
The-strict 9 (An intense drama depicting the 9 sins that result in time out. 1- No saying "no". 2- No hitting your sister. 3- No dumping cups of water out of the tub. 4- No putting things in the toilet. 5- No flailing like a worm on the floor. 6- No spitting. 7- No sucking on batteries. 8- No unlocking the door and going out the front door to play in the street. And finally 9- no touching your poop.)
An Early Education (Starring: the ABC's, Shapes, Colors, Numbers and Animal Sounds)
The Hurt Rocker (Tag line: A mother holds her weeping child after an intense fall and gently chants, "It's okay, it's okay.)
Inglorious Breasts (Starring Brad Tit.) Okay that one is a little racy but still funny. Admit it.
Precious: Based on the novel Quiet Time by Mother of Two
A Delirious Man (A gripping tale about the time Daddy tried to do Mommy's job for more than an hour.)
Pick Up (A film on a constant, repeating loop.)
Gum in your Hair (Starring: Peanut Butter, Crisco and Scissors)
Check out the real nominees here. It's true that 99.99 percent of my life is consumed by that divine virus known as baby-itus and that I could really care less who wins or loses on March 7th. But it's also true that the tenth of a percent relishes, momentarily, in the red carpet fashion every year.