20.2.10

2010 oscar nominees from the motherhood standpoint

Best Picture Nominees:

Avatar DD (Digitally enhanced by the nursing mother.)

The Hind Side (A story of poop, diaper rash and destiny. Wait, I meant Desitin.)

The-strict 9 (An intense drama depicting the 9 sins that result in time out. 1- No saying "no". 2- No hitting your sister. 3- No dumping cups of water out of the tub. 4- No putting things in the toilet. 5- No flailing like a worm on the floor. 6- No spitting. 7- No sucking on batteries. 8- No unlocking the door and going out the front door to play in the street. And finally 9- no touching your poop.)

An Early Education (Starring: the ABC's, Shapes, Colors, Numbers and Animal Sounds)

The Hurt Rocker (Tag line: A mother holds her weeping child after an intense fall and gently chants, "It's okay, it's okay.)

Inglorious Breasts (Starring Brad Tit.) Okay that one is a little racy but still funny. Admit it.

Precious: Based on the novel Quiet Time by Mother of Two

A Delirious Man (A gripping tale about the time Daddy tried to do Mommy's job for more than an hour.)

Pick Up (A film on a constant, repeating loop.)

Gum in your Hair (Starring: Peanut Butter, Crisco and Scissors)



Check out the real nominees here. It's true that 99.99 percent of my life is consumed by that divine virus known as baby-itus and that I could really care less who wins or loses on March 7th. But it's also true that the tenth of a percent relishes, momentarily, in the red carpet fashion every year.

3 comments:

Lilianne said...

Um, I love you. And miss you. This post made me wet my pants. See you soon! I'm ready for you to kick my patooty at the gym!! xoxo

David and Amber said...

I confess I'm a blog stocker of yours. Came across your bloggity blog a while back. We were in the same ward for a couple weeks before we moved, and we went to the cannery and stood next to each other while canning beans. Small world...

Jeanette said...

Haha. Reading this is about as much Oscar-ish as I'll get. We don't tune in to that kind of stuff. But I definitely don't mind seeing what they wear, the good, the bad and the down right ugly!