16.4.09

For just a minute

I promise to post something really worth while during nap time. I actually have some great pictures and video to upload this time. However, right now I just want to complain senselessly for no reason.

First off I don't want any solutions, just girly sympathy. I just want everyone to say, "oh Kat, I know how you're feeling and it really sucks." So here goes.

I am just so tired of waiting for this baby to come. I know I am not even at my due date but I have had so many things telling me that she would come early that I am frustrated she hasn't yet. On the other hand, I have been refreshing myself by reading Baby Wise over again and when I do I get so scared and overwhelmed. Why do I want her to come any earlier?! I am going to be even more exhausted and frustrated and poor little Jack will be so annoyed!

I have started the grieving process for our little 3-some. I know I am going to love this little bundle like I never thought imaginable but I still feel sad to think that it won't just be the three of us anymore. I am so scared for how Jack is going to react because lately he won't even acknowledge my tummy. He used to kiss the baby and say hi and be so cute and now he ignores us when we talk about Violet in any way.

I have a stupid cough. At first it was just lots of yucky in my throat but now I am hacking and my voice is dwindling. I found myself screeching at Jack yesterday to stop running towards the escalator to no avail. It was a futile effort but thankfully something in his brain clicked at the last minute and he stopped. Why do I have to lose my voice? Maybe because I am complaining too much.

My house is very clean. In fact, there hasn't been a dish in the sink for longer than an hour for days now. I have obediently folded every piece of clean laundry right out of the dryer and there are no rotting leftovers in my fridge. The last thing I can think of to clean is the oven and seriously, I just don't want to do that.

Yesterday was like one constant contraction. My belly was tight from around 3 until 8:30. There was no peak or change just uncomfortable tightness all day. Does that mean I was stretching out more? Heaven knows I don't need that! Yeesh! I feel so annoyed that I keep having false alarms. I am thinking about it too much and am so acutely aware of every little pain or tightness. It's stupid.

Michael is working so hard. I know that this is normal and typical but it's just so stupid of his attendings to have scheduled him on such a hard and busy rotation right when I am due. I just want to march down to the hospital and give them an earful. I daydream about writing to the head of the program all of the time and just chewing him out. How lame is that? But really, I think they're exact words in regards to giving him time off when I deliver were, "yeah, we could probably give you a couple days off." UM HELLO! Probably? A couple? Whatever happened to penalty free paternity leave? Yeah, right, forget it.

The last thing is how uncomfortable I am. Really you forget how awful the last part is. I have just started saying that the first 8 months take one month to go by and the the last month takes the other 8. I just wish I wasn't spontaneously exhausted or energized. I wish I could move around and hold my son for longer than ten paces. I wish my butt didn't hurt and my hips didn't ache all the time.

I think that's most of it. If you have made it this far then wow, you must really be a good friend or very bored. I promise to post something better this afternoon. Bye till then.

11 comments:

{lindy baker cakes} said...

Kat. First of all I'm sorry!!! Second of all...I'm not excited for the last month. I have 2 more months and I'm already uncomfortable. I understand. Please know that I love you and that there's a little package on it's way for you!

KaSs MiLeS said...

i remember it all too well, although i didn't already have someone to take care of besides myself. i can only imagine how hard it is right now.
sounds like you need to get this baby out of you and just enjoy your couple days in the hospital and rest as much as possible until you have to go home.
sorry you're going through the worst part of pregnancy. just be so excited that soon you'll get to hold a beautiful baby girl!!!

Mel said...

Woo-Hoo! I made it, I am a friend....who's bored.

Life sucks. Pregnancies are long. You are gorgeous.

Melissa said...

I STILL remember you at the end of Jack's pregnancy just waiting around until he came so you could move! This sounds VERY familiar! :) It's weird how all of a sudden you think the baby should come early even though you know when the due date is. I always get soooo antsy too (if you remember Aleeya was 6 days over and I resorted to taking castor oil....over Brooks' dead body....out of desperation!). I understand about keeping the house SPOTLESS because what if you go into labor and someone comes over to take care of Jack and it's not perfect?!?! These things sound so silly to everyone else, but RUN your life about now and you can't think of anything else especially with your belly always tightening (that's funny you say that because I was JUST reading about all this tightening and contractions that come a few days before labor REALLY starts.....but that's not to get your hopes up, if it does, sorry :) )
Anyway, you're not alone in your feelings and it's all valid in what you feel and normal. The stinky part about it is, it STILL doesn't change anything. Arg. Good luck though
BTW- Jack will be JUST fine when the baby comes and what to kiss all over her. And when he doesn't he'll ignore her and you'll have peaceful time with him and you'll be the PEFECT family of four. It's so exciting!

Heather B said...

Venting is good! Empathy is GREAT! Hang in there sistah, it's almost over. I had to take a few deep breaths just at the thought of the tight belly. UGH, HATED that. No advice for ya. Just some LOVE!

Dani said...

Ha, I'm complaining and I still have 7 weeks to go! This second time around has been harder on my so out of shape body! I too get sad when I think about my family not being just the 3 of us anymore. But I'm sure when the new little one comes you won't think about how it was when it was just the 3 of you! It's really not all that fun being pregnant I've decided! You're so close though! Good luck!

jenna.marie said...

oh gosh i know these feelings. everyone says oh you are so lucky you went a month early!! but what they dont understand is i was basically in slow labor for three weeks. i contracted every three minutes for a week straight and DID NOT progress. baby was descended so far low i wanted to kill myself.so because i was CONSTANTLY in labor i was CONSTANTLY cleaning my house, doing my hair, loading up the car and going to the hospital. they days drug on like could not believe. slowest time ever. i'm praying she comes TODAY!

Camille said...

Remember when you first moved here and you were feeling baby hungry? Someday soon you'll have a beautiful little girl instead of all this junk. I love that you say it like it really is, hang in there! You're amazing!

Bailey bits and pieces said...

You are almost there...good luck, congrats, and post pics ASAP!

Diana said...

OH man...all I can say is after reading your post...I'm not as excited to get pregnant. I'm sorry you are feeling uncomfortable right now. At least you get a beautiful baby out of the whole thing!

Jene and Megan said...

I'm sorry! I know exactly what you are saying because I was going through that in October/November...you have a right to complain!! Every woman hates this part of pregnancy but Violet will come and it will be over with soon! Hang in there!