This experience has left me to realize some things. Often I find myself surviving through the days. I have an attitude of "just make it through" instead of "stop and smell the roses" and that is sad. I do have plenty of moments everyday where I inhale deeply and smile at the beautiful simple life that I have. I just find it sad that my natural instinct when things get a little uncomfortable, messy or tired is to default to just surviving. Shouldn't I default to "how to remedy the situation and make it better for everyone?" Shouldn't I focus more on how to bail us out of the crap storm and onto higher ground? I think it seems ridiculous to just weather the storm. I really do. Because if I just weather the storm, most of my days will seem mostly stormy.
I am now, here and now, vowing to learn to change my situation for the better. Instead of tuning out via Facebook while the kids go crazy, instead of turning on a movie to quiet them, instead of gritting my teeth and holding my breath till Michael gets home, I'm going to find real solutions to the daily problems. I'm going to enjoy the days by finding answers to the fussiness and the boredom. I can't blame everything on everyone else ie: Michael being gone, the kids being tired, the weather being bad or a lack of money. So I'm going to stop doing that and start doing this. I'm gonna fix and adapt and entertain and play and laugh and smile and smell the roses.