1.12.09

refusal

I have been refusing alot of things lately and let me just tell you, it feels phenomenal. Shall I explain?

Two weeks ago I took advantage of my husband. It felt so good. Know why? Because I rarely do. I don't mean I left him huddled-in-a-corner-needing-therapy-abuse, I mean, I-left-him-with-the-kids-as-much-as-possible-abuse. The part that I refused? The part where I feel guilty for leaving my perfectly capable, doctor husband with the kids for longer than 1 consecutive hour. Call me crazy but I have this serious guilt complex that keeps me dwelling on how unfair it is for me to do this to him. But two weeks ago, I refused to feel the guilt. I pushed it out of my body and it felt so good. I love time away, by myself, GUILT FREE.

Know what else have I been refusing? To feel embarrassed about my unruly kids in public. I am so sick of apologizing to random strangers at the store, restaurants, and the doctors office for my kids acting like, well, KIDS! I hate that I feel this need to explain my two year olds behavior. Or even worse, my seven month olds behavior! Are you seriously going to give me that disapproving look when my kid is throwing a flailing fit over not getting chocolate milk? Shouldn't you be applauding me for being a responsible mother who doesn't give in to her child's every want? Let me just answer that question for you Mrs. Random Disapproving Stranger. YES! You should be applauding! Because I am a good mom with great kids who just so happen to throw a fit on occasion. I will NOT apologize! I refuse.

I eat too much. Did you know that? Hmm. You didn't? I could have sworn you knew that. Anyway, I am refusing dinner. Not when I am hungry for it but when I am not hungry for it. Who says that you have to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner? I don't. In fact. Screw eating any designated meal when I'm not hungry. It just gives me gas and a fat ____.

I refuse to be pin pointed as a person with ill intentions. I swear I am like a target for this. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I am an evil girl inside but for some reason I always get accused of this. You know what?! I hate it! Absolutely hate it. I'm not sitting here saying that I am a saint. I am just saying that my natural intentions towards people I love or even just like are always good. Good I tell ya. So stop trying to make me seem like a mega B-word. I refuse to let the world believe that about me. You better believe that the next person who tries to point their gnarly finger at me like this again is gonna get their head ripped off. I guess that will be the point when my intentions actually do go bad. Watch out.

Sometimes it feels good to refuse.

10 comments:

Jeanette said...

Hmm I never even thought to apologize, not even on planes! I wonder if that makes me the rude mom. I don't know I just totally agree with you and expect that most people either have or had kids themselves or are close to someone who did, so they should understand! I think most people are nice about it but sometimes there is that jerk that thinks he deserves peace and quiet in a public place and will give you the eye when he doesn't get it. Not to say it has to feel good when you get those dirty looks!

Logan said...

I love reading your rants. I agree about the whole kid situation. I think too many moms give in to their kids too easily just to stop a tantrum and avoid embarrassment. But those are the kids who will continue to have tantrums far into their lives because they've learned that's how to get what they want! (At least that is my non-mom theory/opinion, take it or leave it!) So good for you. I hope I am that strong of a mom someday! :)

Eevi said...

Some people were giving me "can you make your baby shut up" look at Copperstate when Saku was 6 weeks old and we had been waiting for an hour and a half. Seriously, if you are the OB/GYN office and you have a problem with crying babies, you have a serious issue. Way to refuse to apologize. I have tried to have the same attitude.

Pin Cushion Princess said...

You pretty much said it all!!!!!

Sarah and Desmond said...

If we didn't refuse things, we all would be considered big door-mats and that is one thing I refuse to do!

You have to be able to leave your kids with the hubby, he helped make them right, which means they are half his! I learned this a few months ago also, now I feel guilt-free everytime!

Love your rants Kat!

olga said...

there is a saying in russia: "Eat breakfast by yourself, share lunch with a friend and give leave dinner for your enemy" :)

Amy said...

Want to know embarrassing rant that is worth giving into? I was walking down the store aisle today with baby and niece and nephew in tow, when a lady approached, and right at that moment, my darling nephew in all his cuteness and glory, dropped his pants and stuck is bare bum at the lady and laughed.

I was MORTIFIED. Not only was the lady truly appalled, but the lady looked at me like WHAT IS WRONG with you and YOUR Children...

Lindsay Gunnell said...

I love this. Especially the last one. I think we all believe that someone is thinking things about us...like we're rude or condescending or the B-word. Or that we're not trying hard all the time to be good people. And maybe they are thinking those things about us. But if all they can think is bad things about another person, how good of a person are they? They are the ones with the problem I say. So way to let it out!

Chellor said...

Kat, you remind me of a mother bear and I like it. :) I promise I mean that in the BEST possible way!

The Stanford Family said...

This is great! This is SOOO how I feel! All of it!!