I have been refusing alot of things lately and let me just tell you, it feels phenomenal. Shall I explain?
Two weeks ago I took advantage of my husband. It felt so good. Know why? Because I rarely do. I don't mean I left him huddled-in-a-corner-needing-therapy-abuse, I mean, I-left-him-with-the-kids-as-much-as-possible-abuse. The part that I refused? The part where I feel guilty for leaving my perfectly capable, doctor husband with the kids for longer than 1 consecutive hour. Call me crazy but I have this serious guilt complex that keeps me dwelling on how unfair it is for me to do this to him. But two weeks ago, I refused to feel the guilt. I pushed it out of my body and it felt so good. I love time away, by myself, GUILT FREE.
Know what else have I been refusing? To feel embarrassed about my unruly kids in public. I am so sick of apologizing to random strangers at the store, restaurants, and the doctors office for my kids acting like, well, KIDS! I hate that I feel this need to explain my two year olds behavior. Or even worse, my seven month olds behavior! Are you seriously going to give me that disapproving look when my kid is throwing a flailing fit over not getting chocolate milk? Shouldn't you be applauding me for being a responsible mother who doesn't give in to her child's every want? Let me just answer that question for you Mrs. Random Disapproving Stranger. YES! You should be applauding! Because I am a good mom with great kids who just so happen to throw a fit on occasion. I will NOT apologize! I refuse.
I eat too much. Did you know that? Hmm. You didn't? I could have sworn you knew that. Anyway, I am refusing dinner. Not when I am hungry for it but when I am not hungry for it. Who says that you have to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner? I don't. In fact. Screw eating any designated meal when I'm not hungry. It just gives me gas and a fat ____.
I refuse to be pin pointed as a person with ill intentions. I swear I am like a target for this. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I am an evil girl inside but for some reason I always get accused of this. You know what?! I hate it! Absolutely hate it. I'm not sitting here saying that I am a saint. I am just saying that my natural intentions towards people I love or even just like are always good. Good I tell ya. So stop trying to make me seem like a mega B-word. I refuse to let the world believe that about me. You better believe that the next person who tries to point their gnarly finger at me like this again is gonna get their head ripped off. I guess that will be the point when my intentions actually do go bad. Watch out.
Sometimes it feels good to refuse.