Hi friends. I just want to thank all of you who reached out and gave me virtual hugs. It felt so good to be consoled, sympathized and empathized with.
I am doing much better. I am still occasionally day dreaming about getting away but not like I was a week or so ago.
In other good news, Baby Girl is taking formula like a champ. I haven't completely weaned her but in the last few days she has been drinking it down like nobodys business. Because of this recent development my plan to officially wean her has changed. Instead I am going to start dieting, exercising and supplementing when necessary. I figure if I keep giving her formula here and there every day she will stay used to it. All the while her main source of nutrition will still be my breast milk as long as it holds out. Since I can't quite commit to completely taking her off the boob without feeling guilty and I really need the sense of freedom formula brings, I feel like this is the perfect solution. Cross your fingers it works.
Now moving on. I have been thinking deeply alot lately. For reals this time not like my previous post full of silliness. General Conference is always so profound but this time around it was even more touching. I loved the recurring theme of God's love. I was blessed to once again clearly remember the feelings I had when Jack was born.
The very moment I held him for the first time, I understood the Plan of Salvation more completely than I ever had. It was like the veil was thinned out and just a bit more translucent. I was able to understand the purpose of this life, the anticipation of the previous life and, what will hopefully be, the glory of the next. I knew at that moment that God was real, and the Savior lived. I also understood the meaning of the ultimate sacrifice.
As I looked into Jack's squished little eyes and my heart wrapped around his soul, I could fathom, just slightly, the pain that God must have felt when he watched his Son suffer for the world. For the first time in my life I was able to fully realize the vastness of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ's love for me. On that day my understanding of it all was so clear, so precise and so startling. I have never forgotten the feelings I had. I was so lucky to have those feelings refreshed and stirred up inside me once again today.
For those of you who have kids, I know you know what I am talking about. For those of you who don't, I can't wait for you to know what I am talking about. Life is about family. It is about God and the Savior and eternal life. It is about joy and happiness and being together forever. I am grateful that I know these things. I am grateful that I have a husband who helps me remember these things. And I am grateful that I have children who forgive me when I lose sight of these things.