an apple a day
Today we went to a pick-your-own apple orchard. It turned out to be a really nice time and now I have enough Granny Smiths to make another apple pie. If any of you Tucson ladies want a slice it will be done sometime tomorrow evening. ;)
Anyway, I have been realizing some things lately. I don't want to end up sounding like Debbie Downer but I need to be real right now.
I am sad. Not depressed and need to take medication sad (which there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with) more like unfulfilled sad. Before any of you gasp and think, "she is the mother of two beautiful children, how could she be unfulfilled?!" let me explain.
I am a firm believer in being happy no matter where you are or what you have but that has been a real test for me lately. I have been forced to change alot of things and it is starting to wear me out.
These things I am talking about are small but when all added up together, they really make a difference. Things like, having an even tighter budget than before, less-exercising, no dieting and less time to craft and create.
With the two kids I have less time to do anything besides clean and mother and normal house hold stuff. All of my sewing and re-upholstering and decorating is never going to happen at this rate. With my milk supply being low I am stagnant in getting my body back because I can't diet. Plus I can't do my usual regular and rigorous workouts, which I personally really enjoy. And with the new house, we are loving it, totally loving it, but it is expensive. Everywhere you turn there is another thing that is an added necessary expense which leaves little in the "just for funsies" piggy bank.
These extra strains on top of the fact that Michael is gone so much, and I live in Tucson (Let's be honest, I'm never going to be a Tucsonian! Or is it Tucsonite?) are so hard for me right now. So there you have it. I feel like I am losing out on opportunities to do the things that make me, well, me. I am so sad about it. And at this moment I want to type the words, "I don't know what to do," but then that would be a lie, because I know what to do. I need to take a break.
I don't mean, leave my husband and put the kids in daycare and runaway break. I simply mean, a couple of days kid free, agenda free, budget and worry free, by myself. I don't even really know what I want to do. To be honest, I would love it if Michael would take the kids away so I could be home alone to do the things I desperately want to around the house without interruption. But I think that would make it harder on him. So I will settle for my own getaway somewhere, anywhere, just away.
I don't know why venting all of this on my blog is so therapeutic because I have already discussed this with Michael, my mom and my bestie Jeanette. I guess it's because I am always honest here and I know that I will get support from all of you and advice and love. I just really need that right now.
So after all of that spiel, I hope you enjoyed some of the pictures from our apple adventure today.