How I've Changed

I have just been thinking lately about how different I am now compared to before I had Jack. It is so cliche to say that babies change everything but when people say that they really mean it. The list I am about to write could go on for hours but here are just a few examples.

Wake up in the morning and get ready for school while watching the Today Show and having a leisurely breakfast.

Wake up in the morning and immediately start coming up with tactics to get Jack to have a healthy breakfast. Fail and feed him Cookie Crisp while watching Sesame Street. Don't get to brush teeth until nap time which is around noon. Ew.

Try on a hundred different outfits until you look skinny, cute and stylish enough.

Smell the pits and crotch of what is on the floor. Make sure it fits in the appropriate places ie: boobs, butt, belly and thighs. Proceed to tackle 17 month old in order to dress him in some form of pants and shirt. Fail regularly and allow said child to run around outside in diaper and Converse.

Lie seductively on the bed waiting for Michael to discover me.

Hide under covers until gloriously falling asleep and hope that no one finds me.

Go out on dates to the movies and dinner.

Put Jack down around 7:30, get undressed down to my underwear and let it all hang out while watching Jerry Maguire for the 10 millionth time.

Stay out late with friends or at shows just chilling and being cool.

Get mad when the people upstairs are awake after 11 pm on a weekend. Start wondering to yourself, "who are these hooligans?" Shake your head in disgust at the carnal behaviors that must be commencing at such a late hour.

Browse iTunes and the internet for new bands and new music daily.

Get excited when Yo Gabba Gabba has a band that you recognize and feel cool before you realize you are watching a show created for pre-schoolers.

Go shopping on Saturdays and spend hours trying things on and analyzing your every flaw. End up purchasing dollars and dollars worth of merchandise and feeling good about yourself. Go to local hotspot eatery for post shopping salad (with dressing on the side of course).

Realize you are too fat for your outdated jeans. Throw the baby in the stroller make a Super Market Sweep dash through Old Navy's super sale section. Grab a size bigger, buy it and speed back home to finish dinner. Try on the jeans, cry at your ugliness, sigh in defeat and rip the tag off knowing you will wear them no matter how ugly just to avoid shopping again.

Privately clean my nose and shave my legs every other day.

Pick boogers out of Jack's nose everyday and shave when you have private time. Basically once a week.

Achieve total and ultimate happiness according to your waist size and the scale.

Achieve total and ultimate happiness by taking one look at my son.

Cheesy ending. You got a problem with that?


Sarah said...

I love it love it. :) yeah being a stay at home mom isn't a glorious job one bit but don't we love it at the same time just for that little munchkin? mothers are so selfless and fabulous. hahaha

Melissa said...

I laugh even harder because the "THEN" Kat is how I knew you!!!!! I still remember you laying out behind your house whenever you wanted and thought...what would that be like? :) And yes, IT HAD TO HAVE A CHEESY ending or it wouldn't show how all of the above was WORTH it regardless.

Jon and Diana said...

Cute. You sound like a cute mommy!

becca olsen said...

Kat you are hilarious! The ending is so true.. acctually all of it is so true! Love ya!

em + russ said...

some people smell the krotch before they have kids too. trust me.

Carmen said...

oh my gosh LO-freakin'-L! The crotch sniff definitely got me. Tonight I went to red robin in the most horrid outfit and I didn't care because I wanted to be cozy...I hate anything that constricts anywhere near my obscenely large mid-section. Whoever said pregnancy was a time to feel sexy is full of crap!

Lilianne and Jason Wright said...

HI-larious! OMG - laughing my head off here. I can definitely relate...

Motherhood may not be so glamourous sometimes, but it's AMAZING! Loved the ending - thanks for bringing it full circle there. :-)

With the whole shopping ordeal, when I feel fat (which seems to be a lot lately) I just buy cute stuff for Lois. I mean, people are looking at her anyway, right? Oh man. If it means anything, you always look so cute - so I suppose the crotch sniffing tactic is working for you!! :-)

Jess, Dust, and Wyatt said...

Someone I know and love once said to me, "You're different. I want the Jessie who married Dustin back." Whatever. What an insult. But at the same time, I HAVE changed. I've thought a lot about it since then (because it hurt my feelings so hard), and have decided that YES, I AM different. I am no longer a student, I am no longer just a wife, I am no longer an up-and-up personal trainer and gymnastics coach. I no longer get a full nights' sleep, I no longer take showers when I feel dirty, I no longer run 30 miles a week or do my hair every day or have a new outfit every time I go out. I HAVE changed...and I don't care at all because I would NEVER go back if it meant I couldn't be a mom anymore. I'm NOT going back. I don't want to---so like me the way I am NOW. :)

As you can tell, it still bugs me that she said that to me. Urgh.

But, I loved this post of yours nonetheless. :) Because Ive bee thinking about it, too. :)

Kayla R. said...

SERIOUSLY!!! love it Kat you are so cute

Jessica Peterson said...

Oh my dramatic kitty kat, I love and miss you dearly. Remember when you bit my butt and broke a blood vessel? You my favorite.

Jene and Megan said...

You crack me up! These are the things I have to look forward too? haha..

Summer said...

Ha ha! So true, so true. You're not alone my dear.